Managing Your Emotions: Essential Tools for Parents During Family Mediation
Family mediation can be emotionally intense, triggering feelings of anxiety, frustration, and even anger. As mediators, we understand the significance of helping parents manage these emotions constructively. In this blog post, we will delve into practical tools and strategies that parents can employ to navigate difficult emotions during family mediation, fostering a healthier and more productive process for all parties involved.
1. Box Breathing: A Calming Technique Box breathing is a simple yet effective technique to manage emotions and reduce stress in the middle of a mediation session. This technique involves inhaling for a count of four, holding for four, exhaling for four, and then holding for four again before repeating the cycle. This deliberate breathing pattern can help you regain control over your emotions and bring clarity to your thoughts, especially during tense mediation moments. No one needs to know you're doing it - just quietly count in your head.
2. Finding your inner safe space
While your mediator will remind everyone to stay respectful and constructive, you may still hear things being said that you don't like to hear - and you will definitely hear things you disagree with (otherwise you wouldn't be in mediation!). Since it is important in mediation to let the other person finish and not interrupt, you may find it helpful to take notes of what you are hearing so you can refer back to it when it is your turn to speak. You may feel emotions come up because of what you are hearing - in this case try to name them, not change them and bring your attention to a safe space: Feel the back of your chair, your feet on the ground and breathe deeply. Naming an emotion and allowing it to sweep over you is the quickest way to make it pass. You can also visualize a protective bubble around you of which everything slides off like the proverbial water on a ducks back.
3. Taking Breaks: A Pause for Perspective Recognize when emotions are escalating and taking a toll on your ability to communicate effectively. Requesting a short break during mediation sessions is a wise strategy - in fact, it is even ok to just get up and walk out if this is what it takes. Your mediator will understand and manage the break. Use this time to step outside, take a short walk, have a glass of water or engage in a calming activity. These breaks allow you to regroup, refocus on your child's best interests, and return to the discussion with a clearer mind.
4. Prioritize Personal Well-being It's essential to prioritize your own well-being outside of mediation sessions. Make sure you get enough sleep prior to the mediation session and enough food. Bring some water, although this will usually be provided in the room. Steer away from any substances that increase agitation, especially caffeine. Do not consume any drinks or substances that may impact on your ability to think and communicate clearly. Make sure you let your mediator know if you are on any medication that may impact your attentiveness (look on your prescription label - if it says 'do not operate motor vehicles' it's worth mentioning to your mediator in private!). Plan something nice for after the mediation - maybe some exercise to shake off any lingering emotion or lunch with a friend. It's ok to share with people how you are feeling without repeating any of the content of the mediation (this falls under mediation confidentiality).
5. Mindfulness and Meditation Practicing mindfulness and meditation can help you stay present in the moment, reduce anxiety, and improve emotional regulation. Dedicate a few minutes each day to these practices. Mindfulness exercises encourage you to acknowledge your emotions without judgment, allowing you to respond rather than react during mediation discussions.
6. Journaling: Unload Your Emotions Keeping a journal to record your thoughts and emotions can be remarkably therapeutic. Write about your experiences, your feelings, and your hopes for the mediation process. This not only helps you process emotions but also enables you to approach discussions with a clearer understanding of your own needs and priorities.
7. Professional Guidance Consulting a mental health professional can provide you with tailored strategies to manage emotions during mediation. Therapists can teach you coping mechanisms, communication skills, and emotional regulation techniques that are specific to your situation. Remember you can discuss aspects of your situation with a mental health professional without breaking confidentiality, as the confidentiality of the mediation is still protected under a professional treatment agreement and medical privacy laws.
8. Visualize Positive Outcomes Visualization is a powerful tool for managing emotions. Spend a few moments each day visualizing positive outcomes of the mediation process. Envision an amicable resolution that is in the best interest of your child. This positive outlook can help anchor your emotions and intentions during mediation discussions.
Managing emotions during family mediation requires intentional effort and a toolkit of strategies. By incorporating techniques such as box breathing, breaks, prioritizing personal well-being, seeking emotional support, practicing mindfulness, journaling, and visualizing positive outcomes, parents can navigate these challenging conversations more effectively. Remember, a composed and emotionally regulated approach not only benefits you but also creates a conducive environment for productive discussions that prioritize the well-being of your child.
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